"You must be so excited to go abroad!" Everyone; my coworkers, my family, and my friends. I've literally heard this at least once in every conversation I have every day. There is no excitement at all, to say the least. I know that by now I should be hyped about this trip, considering the fact that I'll be getting on an airplane and flying 6240 miles to South Korea in 10 days. This will be my first time abroad, in a country I've only seen and heard of, so shouldn't I be excited? Wasn't I excited? I'm not saying I'm bummed out about going or anything. I'm also not saying I don't want to go and explore what I've only seen in pages of books. I just thought there were more excitement to it then.... this.
It really could just be the fact that I haven't packed anything yet.... I tell myself that a lot. Then again, I've also come to realize that maybe I don't want to face the fact that I'm going to be leaving everything here at home behind. Worry that people will make memories without me, worry that when I come back things will be different, worry that my existence will be forever forgotten. Is change what i'm really scared of??
Saying goodbye have never been harder. Even though I know that I'll be back in a short number of months, goodbyes are just not the favorite things on my list to do. Feeling emotionally abominable everytime I give a hug, and hiding the hurt that I feel deep inside with a fraudulent smile. It's tiring to always put on a smile when inside it's the complete opposite. People say goodbye doesn't mean forever, yet they don't know that sometimes there are exceptions...
Maybe I'm over thinking things. Going abroad is an opportunity that I made for myself. I've already come thus far, and the only thing left to do is throw everything into a suitcase and get on the plane. I know that some people will forget me, some will not. It's only then that I will really know who matters in my life, people worth keeping close to my heart. As far as memories go, I'll be making some amazing stories of my own. Yet, I don't know anything for sure until it happens. One thing I know is that, I am closing this door, the door with the label 'Home' on it. And this new door that I'm about to turn the knob to.......I'll just let everything free fall into place.
P.S. I hope the walk between these two doors will not be too painful <3
I dunno Paxia, if the doors are anything like STSS, you're going to have a hard time getting through them.
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