Flight OZ 201

January 24, 2011

I really wanted to post something before I left for the airport, but couldn’t find the time to do it. So I’m on the flight to South Korea as I’m writing this in a word document. Apparently, there is no wireless internet on this plane.. sad day I know. But I’m improvising and making the best of it.

So far, all I did was sleep at the airport, starved at the airport, met a stranger on the L.A. flight who gave me a strawberry granola bar, and cried my eyes dry on the plane thinking about home and watching a very special video made by a very special friend. And was ALMOST late for my flight to Seoul. That would have been bad. I swear I was panicing like no other. Asking people left to right, then having to wait in line at the security check in for almost two hours, I seriously thought I was not going to make it on time for my flight. Lucky enough, a security lady decided to open a little passage for 10 people and it just happened that I was one of the 10 lucky ones to pass. Not only that but when I ran and got to the gate, there was a 15 minute delay time on my boarding flight. Call it luck or whatever you want, I’m just damn happy I made it on to this flight Let’s just hope I won’t be having trouble with the next transfer to Bangkok, Thailand. But where am I going to sleep during that 12 hour wait time?? crap.... I'm out of my comfort zone....

Rewinding back to before I started my trip.

Some one told me they wanted me to have more courage. For my heart to adventure deeper into the abyss. I didn’t know how I would do that, or what that actually meant. Turns out, I needed more courage to say goodbye to those at home. I was not able to say bye and keep walking forward without turning back. Nor was I able to say bye with a smile on my face without tears pouring down my cheeks. It takes a lot of courage to not  cry, take a few more glances, or let go of a hug when saying goodbye, at least for me it was tough. I’m just a super cry baby. I’ve never cried this much since I don’t know when. Maybe the bonds between my friends and family is stronger than I thought it really was. 10 days ago I wasn’t feeling any sort of excitement or emotions, I can’t say the same now. It really was the calm before the storm. Cause now the only thing I do when I think about home is tear up. Very frustrating I know. I’ve tried to smile instead, yet these tears keep escaping and leaking out like a crack in a barrel.

But I am already on my way, on this road to paradise. Doing some things I’ve never dreamed of doing. I am doing this in hopes that I can find myself. Find who Paxia really is. I want to do things on my own with out a helping hand to guide me or knowing that there is someone there to break my fall. To see how far I can go with only me helping myself is something I want to undertake. Maybe sort some things in my heart and head on the way as well. And at the end of it all, I hope I can be a stronger person, internally and externally. I got miles to go, im not ready, but I know I can do it. I guess it's only when you're by yourself that you start thinking about things you'll never imagine you'll ever think about. What you really live for, why you do the things you do, and how you're going to approach life head on. Oh the struggles. Breathe. Just take a deep breath. Actually, take a few deep breaths Paxia. Battling with yourself is hard. 

P.S. When I find myself I'll come back home. Either way, I'll be back haha (July 7th baby)

P.S.S. Thanks for calling me during my panic time DENNY!!

~ Hearts, Hugs, and LOLs <3